nineinchtool blogging at elowel.org
therefore 01-31-07 09:51
i have decided that although it's merely tuesday, i should be going to class. i really shouldn't fail out of college. i should do homework. i don't care.

now that that's all stated, let's move to the next item of agenda in my head.

Cold weather literally makes me want to curl up like filbert the turtle and roll over until by some freak accident i end up on the freeway next to some lady sellin oranges and it's ninety degrees.

that'd be stellar....extreme if you will.

another thing, i further declare to not eat cows, for the most part. the other day i had this connection with a cow, (intense, i know) and it seemed as if we were communicating. i can't eat something that i can talk to.

fuck chickens. i will continue to eat something that can live without a head. chickens are worthless.

i need some orange soda, so i'm gonna bounce.
i haven't 01-25-07 10:17
i haven't written in ages and frankly i don't really give a fuck. today is the day that I need to write.

I don't know exactly what's going on with my life and I need to find something to save me. I'm tired of being a burnout and I'm tired of being alone. I miss him. I miss him a whole lot. He loved me and I loved him, but stupid fucking things are always in the way.

I smoke too much pot and that's disrespectful to him. My friends don't like him. My friends are burnouts. I live here alone and each night I wonder if any of this will ever change, but it won't.

It's a vicious cycle and I'm still alone without him. Tomorrow would be our year and half, the next few weeks include valentine's day. i thought it would be hard enough to get through christmas without him. i was right, because he was there. and we were in love again. or so i thought....

i hope you're still wearing the watch i gave you. it means more than just time, it's a representation of all the time we spent together. (which is a lot by any meaning of the word.)

I had a dream last night and he was in it. incredibly i feel the happiest i have since the twenty eigth of december. i woke up and realized all i could do was hurt. he's not there to make me feel better or to make me smile anymore. he's not there to let me hug him and hide from everything else. he's not there to wipe the tears off. (yes i do cry now.) he's not there to tell me i'm beatiful even if it is a lie.

when i talk to you on the phone now it's not the same. we're hostile and lost and i'm just fucking lost. I can't believe that day was the last i'll see you. you were so mad me and i was mad at you.

i was the one that walked away from you though. and i guess this is when i should take the point to say i'm sorry. (which usually means nothing, but not today, i promise.)

you won't ever read this, and things will never be the way the used to be. no matter where we all go, WE still are there.

that's all.
So here I am, 18 years old and graduated from highschool. Great, now what? I suppose I should be looking forward to the fact that I'm attending UNL next year to study journalism and design. I'm not. I should be looking forward to the fact that I have a wonderful future with bright horizons and lollipops and butterflys all ahead. I'm not.

I'm not a lot of things that everyone told me I was going to be when I grew up. I wasn't the straight A student and student council president everyone expected.

Instead I was voted Cheech and Chong along with my best friend by my senior class. I didn't intend for it all to be what it is now, but it is.

You see, I don't want to be another fuck-up in my family. (it comes natural, really.) And I don't want to overachieve to prove anyone wrong either. I just kind of feel that I'm lost, with the goals I've wanted to acheive, not at all closer....more like ninety steps farther.

Fuck.

It was great to see everyone around graduation. Really. It's nice the people in my family finally give a fuck about me when I'm 18 and fully capable of supporting myself. Thanks guys, really. Oh and don't bother saying goodbye either. It's cool, really.

In conclusion, I've learned these several things about myself.

1. I will never find my family interesting

2. Yes they will always be there just because they hafta be

3. Cheech and Chong isn't the worst title in the world, eh?

Later gators.


dun dun dun 07-08-05 23:12
i haven't posted in a long while, with anything of any revelance anyways. so prepare for a long one. here goes:

i'm starting to realize a few things as i keep working my summer away. all the promises to see people, i've seem to broken. i keep wandering in and out of a strange strage state of being, that totally entrances me and makes me never want to leave.

this however, is costing me major amounts of time and money. therefore making me work even more...leading me to the conclusion that i'm on a one way path to distractive destruction.

well fuck.

after a bittersweet taste of something already experienced, the hunger for it however seems to deeply affect my whole attitude towards everything.

on the otherside of things however another bitersweet brush with the past has come and gone, yet not attached with a tainted ending like so many times before. where does that lead me?

a marriage promise, by the age of twenty-three i tell you. irrelevant however, mystifying.

a large business prospect however has been brought to my attention, once in the game that so heavily likes to grab my life by the neck and lead like napolean.

damn napolean.

while finding myself putting myself back into situations that are probably not the best descions, something still urges me to continue. no real expectations will ever be filled but a small part of me wishes for something to change.

change neccessarily isn't always the best idea.

i know however, that deep down something so blatently new is the only way to remove myself from this extremely familiar situation.

what to do?

alter all possible ways of contemplation and take care of it tomorrow.

yeah 06-21-05 21:44
Place an X by the ones you have done....

(x)smoked a cigarette <------bleh.
(x) smoked a cigar
(x) smoked anything else
( ) crashed someone else's car
(X) stolen a car

( ) been in love
(x)been dumped
(x)shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(> ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
() seen someone die
(x) have a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
(x) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
(x) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
(x) been moshing at a concert
(x) taken painkillers
(x) like/love someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
(x) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) ran a red light
( ) been suspended from school -
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose...
(x)caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe...
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
(x) worn pearls
(x) jumped off a bridge.
(x) screamed "penis" in class
( ) ate dog food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them hahahaha
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a little black dress
(x) fucked in a park
(x) fucked in the bathoom
(x) had a dream that you married someone -----had no idea who
(x) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(x) been a cheerleader
(X) sat on a roof top
( ) had sex at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didnt take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
(x) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch
(x) played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) made porn .....
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
( ) french braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house
3 days of school left 05-25-05 08:54
3 more days left of school until the summer. many things have changed throughout the year and i think that's exciting.
05-14-05 10:11
guess who's going to green day. that's right. alyssa and merritt are.

score.

my daddy rocks.
whoa. 05-08-05 20:15
i didn't see that coming.
03-08-05 18:56
You scored as Communism. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

Communism

100%

Anarchism

67%

Nazi

67%

Fascism

58%

Democrat

50%

Republican

33%

Socialist

33%

Green

0%

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com
02-10-05 20:55




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